Comments on: The Parent Trap: What's in a name? A lot, actually http://neastphilly.com/2009/06/02/the-parent-trap-whats-in-a-name-a-lot-actually/ Northeast Philadelphia on NeastPhilly.com Sun, 12 Feb 2012 16:09:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Cyndi http://neastphilly.com/2009/06/02/the-parent-trap-whats-in-a-name-a-lot-actually/comment-page-1/#comment-207 Cyndi Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:22:22 +0000 http://neastphilly.com/?p=1427#comment-207 Just imagine, 10 years from now he'll still call you those names but with a loving tone that conveys a shared memory. That's where my brother and dad are now - because now, no matter how mad they got at each other in the past for those things, they both can see things from the other one's point of view. I don't either of them has ever discussed it (ah, manly relationships) but now it's a warm family joke and not a pressure point. I also know (as a mom of three special needs kids) that if you show an aversion or any sort of reaction to something they say or do then suddenly there is a new game in the house. I finally got my youngest to stop calling me "stinky-socks" and "dirty underwear." To his little brain, those are the yuckiest things he can think of and since I reacted the first time, it's stuck. My middle child is more adept at turning me into a flaming ball of fury with her words - and she's only 5! To them, there is no cultural definition - only a way to get a reaction and a modicum of control in the most important relationship of their life. I'll jot a note to remind myself that when my oldest is 16, to laugh when he calls me Enron-mom. Just imagine, 10 years from now he’ll still call you those names but with a loving tone that conveys a shared memory. That’s where my brother and dad are now – because now, no matter how mad they got at each other in the past for those things, they both can see things from the other one’s point of view. I don’t either of them has ever discussed it (ah, manly relationships) but now it’s a warm family joke and not a pressure point.

I also know (as a mom of three special needs kids) that if you show an aversion or any sort of reaction to something they say or do then suddenly there is a new game in the house. I finally got my youngest to stop calling me “stinky-socks” and “dirty underwear.” To his little brain, those are the yuckiest things he can think of and since I reacted the first time, it’s stuck. My middle child is more adept at turning me into a flaming ball of fury with her words – and she’s only 5! To them, there is no cultural definition – only a way to get a reaction and a modicum of control in the most important relationship of their life. I’ll jot a note to remind myself that when my oldest is 16, to laugh when he calls me Enron-mom.

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